you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
