May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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