I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
