I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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