The maid of honor just puked.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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