Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
