with your own penis?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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