I wanna passion pit in your ass
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
