oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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