shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
