dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize