i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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