We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
