Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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