Well douche your snatch and let's go!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
