I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
