return my video game
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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