So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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