How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
