Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
