they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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