he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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