there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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