is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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