Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
