Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
