Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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