The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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