from now on my penis is your penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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