Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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