just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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