Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
