why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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