You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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