the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
