FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
