Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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