My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
