I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
