Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
