Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
