So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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