I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
