Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
