soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
