Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
