i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need moral support for this bender
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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