Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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