Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
