My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
