At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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