I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just cropdusted the office
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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