Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Panties = found
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
