put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
