If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
