Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize