i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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