I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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