That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
