Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
