I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
