i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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