I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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