did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
a search helicopter?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
