there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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