mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dick very happy bro
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
