Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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