i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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