Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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