im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
