Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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