I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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