dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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