If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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