Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
