My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
