dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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