I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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