Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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