so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
