so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
