i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
