Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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