I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
