i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
