the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
