There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
