i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
