Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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